I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize
