i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
