I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
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