her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
