so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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