Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
