She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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