I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
