You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize