Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize
