I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
