my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
