dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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