I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
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