Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
