i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
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