If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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