What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
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