Kareoke will never be a sober sport
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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