how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
