dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
he wants to bone in the snuggie
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
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