omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize