Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
