I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
either way he was missing a nipple.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
