I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
