Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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