Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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