We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
