Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
