i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
