I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
