we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
