My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Randomize
