You don't have asthma, your pregnant
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
