im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
