I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize