your parents love me but you hate me
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
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