True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
