He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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