I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
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