found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
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