You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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