The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
he thought i was a dude.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Randomize
