i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Randomize
