worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Randomize
