Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Randomize
