Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
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