ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I love you.
Bad choice
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