WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
