i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
