My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
