i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Everything about him screamed your future.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
