I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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