At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
