I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Randomize
