sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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