He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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