Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
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