I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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