in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
