I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
