He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
