just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
