great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
