Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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