i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Come see our sink grown plant.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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